There comes a point in every individuals life where they have to make a choice - a crossroads if you will - that’s bigger than any they’ve faced before. In this moment one can feel scared, terrified even. The world appears bigger and meaner than it ever has and it can very much feel like there is no one around you who fully understands this wholly personal predicament you’re facing. It’s tough. Real tough.
Manic thoughts of self-doubt and panic are what drive me to write this heartfelt post at this late hour. It’s only natural that as time passes I will become more consumed with my thoughts and so I thought: best to get them out of the way now while I still have an inkling of sense. Today I heard the news that I’ve very likely failed the first year of my course.
I started my studies in womenswear at the prestigious London College of Fashion in September of last year with high hopes and an indescribable feeling of excitement - this was the start of the rest of my life, I would be fashion designer extraordinaire: Zachary Ward. Overwhelmed with joy of the place I’d secured, outdoing thousands to land the spot. All previous doubts cast aside I entered my first lesson feeling positive and I started my work with a zealous energy that, unfortunately, soon diminished.
I won’t bore you with the details but somehow I find myself at the end of a year, with the results from my referral - my second so far - with the unfortunate realization that despite my efforts to add more work to my portfolio I did not manage to improve my E grade and on Tuesday at 4pm I recieve the final evaluation of my performance this year that decide’s whether or not I can progress.
Failing a year of University is no easy thing and as I face this probable occurrence I find myself with the question, was I ever cut out to do this? Maybe my skills are better applied elsewhere. I could repeat the year but would that really lead to anything? And so, like many before me, at the biggest crossroad so far in my life, I am terrified. But let us all remember in our darkest moments of defeat that life goes on and no matter how many times we fail there will always be an option. Dear people of the internet: I refuse to give up hope for myself and my future and I pray you do the same.
My niece is one of my favourite subjects, expect to see lot’s of this little cuties face.